How to Talk About Suicide with Your Friends and Loved Ones

Talking to friends or loved ones about suicide can feel daunting. This is especially compounded by the isolative nature of experiencing suicidal thoughts. If you know you are in a place to speak to friends or loved ones about how you are feeling, but you are unsure how to navigate it, we discuss various ways you can go about it without overwhelming yourself. After all, it is a huge first step in getting support, and one that should be navigated carefully.

How to talk to loved ones about your suicidal feelings

Opening up about suicide to friends and loved ones can feel incredibly hard, but also a powerful and courageous step towards healing. Here is how you can navigate this:

1) Know that you deserve support

It may be the furthest thing from your mind, but you deserve support just like anyone else going through suicidal thoughts. Understand that needing support is not a sign of weakness, but strength. It takes a lot to open up to others, and doing so is an amazing first step towards acknowledging and healthily dealing with your feelings.

2) Speak to someone you trust

If there is someone you regularly confide in, or someone who you know has shown understanding in the past, it may help to open up to them about how you are feeling. This could be a close friend, a family member, colleague, manager or teacher. If no one is immediately available, it may help to ring a counselling or suicide helpline.

3) Communicate in a way that is comfortable for you

Some people may prefer to state how they feel straight up, while others may struggle to find the words. Some may also prefer to talk face to face or use the phone. Choose a method of communication that feels the most natural or comfortable for you.
If you are struggling with what to say, you can start with one of the following:

• “I don’t feel like myself lately and I’m unsure why”

• “I’ve been experiencing disturbing thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore”

• “I’m feeling really low and it feels as though I’m getting worse”

Although it may be hard to begin with, being honest about how you are feeling is the right way to go. It can effectively communicate what you are going through. But equally, if you feel this is difficult to do straight off the bat, then work up to it.

4) Tell them how they can help you

You may not know what would help at all. But when you are feeling the way you do, we need acceptance, understanding and a listening ear.

Think about what may help, even in small ways. Would telling your employer for an adjusted workload or flexible working help? Would asking your friends to hang out more often or have regular calls support your wellbeing? It could even be asking someone for support in finding a professional to help you with your feelings.
It may also help to discuss having a safety plan in place when you are having thoughts of suicide. This could look like:

• A safe place to go

• Key people to speak to that you trust

• Coping mechanisms

• Restricting access to suicidal aids

• Consulting a list of reasons for living (discussed with your confidant or healthcare professional)

5) Get professional help

Sadly, there are cases where people have no one to turn to, so turning straight to professional support may be your only option.

Counsellors and psychotherapists are qualified in supporting people who are dealing with difficult feelings, including suicidal thoughts. If you can, it may help to jot down bullet points of the main things you are experiencing, even if you are unsure if it is related to how you are feeling. They may be able to help you process and unpack your thoughts, while giving you healthy coping mechanisms for when suicidal thoughts crop up or become overwhelming.

If you feel worse about opening up about suicidal thoughts

Sadly, some can feel worse about opening up about suicidal thoughts. This can happen because it is tough to face your feelings when spoken out loud. That is why it is often recommended to seek professional support, as they will have the skills to help you manage your emotions.

There may be cases where someone you thought you could trust actually reacts with negativity or backlash if you open up about your suicidal thoughts. In these instances, it is best to distance yourself from the individual and seek professional support right away. This is because you will feel a lot more vulnerable about opening up than you did previously, so it is important to speak to a professional who can support you in managing the many difficult emotions you are facing.

Where else can I get support for discussing suicide?

There are various methods for getting support when you talk to others about suicide in New Zealand.

Your GP

Your GP is a great first port of call if you need help with dealing with suicidal thoughts. They can offer a safe, confidential space to talk, assess your needs, and connect you with appropriate mental health services or crisis support through a Mental Health Treatment Plan. They may even be able to discuss medication options and review any medication you are on to see if you need adjustments to your treatment.

Suicide helplines

Suicide helplines are free, confidential support lines specifically for people who are dealing with suicidal thoughts in New Zealand:

• Suicide Crisis Helpline: free phone 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).

• Lifeline: free phone 0800 543 354

• Samaritans’ crisis helpline: free phone 0800 726 666 if you are experiencing loneliness, depression, despair, distress or suicidal feelings.

Your employer’s Employee Assistance Program

If your workplace offers an EAP, you can access confidential counselling and mental health support at no cost. It is a valuable resource for discussing emotional distress, including suicidal thoughts, and getting help from qualified professionals. This can also help you find a counsellor without having to pay for one yourself, which can often be costly.

How can an Employee Assistance Program help if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts?

An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) can support people dealing with a wide range of mental health concerns, including suicidal thoughts. At Wisdom Wellbeing, our counselling support helplines are available 24/7, 365 days a year. As after all, poor mental health and even thoughts of suicide can strike at any moment.

With structured, solution-focused therapy and emotional support, our counsellors can provide practical advice and guidance for individuals.

If you feel unable to speak over the phone, the Wisdom app, offered by Wisdom Wellbeing, grants access to a live chat service that you can use to instant message a counsellor for support. It is also a fantastic resource for navigating content around mental health, suicide and wellbeing.

Conclusion

Opening up about suicide can very much cause negative feelings and dissociation in oneself. Being kind to yourself can mean small acts of kindness such as having a nourishing meal, having a rest, anything that makes you feel good in that very moment.

Talk to friends and loved ones you trust, rather than who you think you should speak to. This could look like speaking to a sibling as opposed to your parents, or even a cousin as opposed to an immediate family member. What matters most is feeling safe and heard.

FAQs

How do I start a conversation about suicidal thoughts with someone I trust?

Opening up can feel overwhelming, so begin with simple, honest statements such as “I don’t feel like myself lately” or “I’m experiencing thoughts that worry me.” Choose a communication method that feels safe, whether face‑to‑face, phone, or message.

What should I do if I feel worse after talking about suicidal thoughts?

It’s normal to feel vulnerable after sharing difficult emotions. If the conversation increases distress or someone responds negatively, seek professional support immediately through a GP, counsellor, or crisis helpline.

How can loved ones support me when I’m experiencing suicidal feelings?

Support can include listening without judgement, helping you access professional care, checking in regularly, or assisting with practical needs. You can also tell them specific ways they can help, such as creating a safety plan together.

When should I seek professional help for suicidal thoughts?

If you feel unable to cope, have no one to talk to, or your thoughts become more frequent or intense, reach out to a GP, counsellor, or crisis support service. Professional guidance can help you process emotions and develop coping strategies.

Can an Employee Assistance Program support me if I’m experiencing suicidal thoughts?

Yes. An EAP provides confidential counselling, emotional support, and practical guidance. Wisdom Wellbeing offers 24/7 helplines and live chat through the Wisdom app, giving employees accessible support whenever they need it.

What suicide helplines can I contact in New Zealand if I need immediate support?

New Zealand offers several free, confidential helplines for anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress. Services include the Suicide Crisis Helpline, Lifeline, and Samaritans, all providing compassionate, non‑judgemental support from trained counsellors.

Related entities

Suicidal thoughts

emotional distress, intrusive thoughts, feelings of hopelessness, crisis support

Suicide prevention

safety planning, early intervention, protective factors, crisis response

Mental health support

counselling, therapy, wellbeing resources, professional guidance

New Zealand crisis helplines

Suicide Crisis Helpline, Lifeline, Samaritans

Employee Assistance Program

confidential counselling, workplace wellbeing, 24/7 support

GP mental health care

assessments, treatment plans, referrals, medication review

Safety planning

coping strategies, trusted contacts, safe environments

Workplace wellbeing

employer support, flexible working, wellbeing tools

Wisdom Wellbeing

counselling helplines, Wisdom app, live chat support

Crisis counselling

immediate emotional support, de‑escalation, professional guidance